I was privileged to get some tickets through the LTA ballot for myself and my son to the Wimbledon tennis last week. We watched from Henman Hill and No 1 Court. Great day out. I travelled by car paying half price for the official parking as it is electric. On the way I had “an argument” with Google Maps! Don’t get me wrong I think this a fantastic app and service, and I use it all the time. BUT if you set a particular route, it can be very obstinate and keeps taking you back to this chosen route. I wanted to go a particular way at a junction to avoid road closures in Wimbledon Village. Instead, it insisted I turned left off a dual carriageway when I was in the middle lane and did not really want to. As I rather distractedly attempted to change lanes the yellow lane warning sign came on in my car’s wing mirror (really useful add on) and as I glanced left, I saw a car in the lane I was approaching. I stopped the action and avoided a collision. I was fortunate and knew when to stop a potentially damaging or dangerous action.
This principle applies equally in our professional working life. It’s not all about planning and doing things well, but also having the knowledge, instinct and experience to know when to stop doing something rather than carrying on regardless. As a manager conducting a performance appraisal sometimes you have to bite your tongue and avoid saying something over critical or derogatory. This can leave the employee resentful or disengaged. There are generally better ways to get your point across. A very good junior solicitor once came to me for a review of a short but critical agreement. It was not well drafted. I almost told her it was rubbish but just stopped myself. She did not need this criticism, and just looking at me and then back at the agreement herself observed it was a very poor and hurried effort and she would start again.
In IT contract negotiations there are so many times that jumping in with a critical or negative view is far more damaging than intended – especially to people’s delicate ego’s! - and can be really detrimental to progress. It is far better to say nothing aggressive and think of a more constructive way to make the point. Specifically in negotiations some simple “stopping” techniques that help are:
See this Harvard Law School blog Emotional Triggers: How Emotions Affect Your Negotiating Ability which observes “Emotions—of all kinds—shape our thoughts, behavior, and even our physiology. In negotiation, researchers have long documented the impact of integral emotions—feelings triggered by the negotiation itself.” It suggests we should identify our own “personal emotional triggers” and indeed those of our counterparts on the other side of the table and concludes “By learning to recognize and label incidental emotions in ourselves and others, negotiators can reduce their disruptive effects and keep discussions focused on substance rather than mood.”
More generally according to AI, citing a Harvard Business Review article, professionals should stop an activity or project when data shows it no longer serves its strategic purpose. It is time to step back when your team is in danger of falling into the "sunk cost" trap - continuing simply because you've already invested significant time, money, or effort. There are several clear markers to help professionals identify when it is time to halt a specific activity or initiative including:
This links into managing our work on a daily or weekly basis. It can be important to be aware when to say no to some proposal or activity - see this article Learn when—and how—to say no in your professional life which suggests “We strongly recommend getting into the habit of being deliberate about what invitations to say yes to, even before you get to the point of filling up your weekly calendar. You can do that by conducting an informal cost-benefit analysis.” This is especially true in our interconnected and always on working world where demands and requests come not just across negotiating tables but through Teams, e-mail and instant messages – and even by phone (remember phone calls?).
See this Warwick Business School Careers blog: The importance of saying no which advises “The ability to say no is a crucial career skill that could prevent burnout while protecting your wellbeing. By declining certain commitments, you preserve time and energy for high-priority work, establish professional respect, and contribute to the creation of healthy workplace dynamics.” There is even a book on this topic Defy: The Power of No in a World that Demands Yes summarised as follows. “Many of us comply much more than we realize. How many times have you wanted to object, disagree, or opt out of something but ended up swallowing your words, shaking your head, and just going along? Analyzing cases ranging from corporate corruption and sexual abuse to everyday acquiescence at work, the doctor's office, and in our personal lives, award-winning organizational psychologist Dr. Sunita Sah delves deep into why the pressure to comply is a corrosive and often invisible force in our society.”
The American comedian Bill Crawford observed “Sometimes knowing what to do is knowing when to stop”.
While the Australian cricketer Spencer Johnson suggested "… letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on."
And as the French fashion designer Hubert de Givenchy put it “You have to know when to stop – that’s wisdom.”
This principle applies equally in our professional working life. It’s not all about planning and doing things well, but also having the knowledge, instinct and experience to know when to stop doing something rather than carrying on regardless. As a manager conducting a performance appraisal sometimes you have to bite your tongue and avoid saying something over critical or derogatory. This can leave the employee resentful or disengaged. There are generally better ways to get your point across. A very good junior solicitor once came to me for a review of a short but critical agreement. It was not well drafted. I almost told her it was rubbish but just stopped myself. She did not need this criticism, and just looking at me and then back at the agreement herself observed it was a very poor and hurried effort and she would start again.
In IT contract negotiations there are so many times that jumping in with a critical or negative view is far more damaging than intended – especially to people’s delicate ego’s! - and can be really detrimental to progress. It is far better to say nothing aggressive and think of a more constructive way to make the point. Specifically in negotiations some simple “stopping” techniques that help are:
- Use silence deliberately. If you feel a reaction rising, pause before responding — even a few seconds allows a reset.
- Reframe the other side’s tactics as moves, not attacks. “They’re anchoring low” is less threatening than “they’re disrespecting me.”
- Ask questions instead of reacting – and then wait patiently for a response. “Help me understand how you got to that number” buys time and shifts from defence to information-gathering.
- Call a lunch break or even stop for the day to allow emotions to settle and solutions to appear.
See this Harvard Law School blog Emotional Triggers: How Emotions Affect Your Negotiating Ability which observes “Emotions—of all kinds—shape our thoughts, behavior, and even our physiology. In negotiation, researchers have long documented the impact of integral emotions—feelings triggered by the negotiation itself.” It suggests we should identify our own “personal emotional triggers” and indeed those of our counterparts on the other side of the table and concludes “By learning to recognize and label incidental emotions in ourselves and others, negotiators can reduce their disruptive effects and keep discussions focused on substance rather than mood.”
More generally according to AI, citing a Harvard Business Review article, professionals should stop an activity or project when data shows it no longer serves its strategic purpose. It is time to step back when your team is in danger of falling into the "sunk cost" trap - continuing simply because you've already invested significant time, money, or effort. There are several clear markers to help professionals identify when it is time to halt a specific activity or initiative including:
- Lack of Strategic Alignment. A project should be stopped when regular monitoring shows the gap between the effort put in and the outcome is consistently widening. Letting go is a sign of good stewardship, not failure.
- Diminishing Cognitive Returns. Proactive engagement demands intense mental effort. Research shows that forcing extra effort on a routine can deplete cognitive reserves, leading to more errors. If an extra activity is making you worse at your overall job, it should be stopped.
This links into managing our work on a daily or weekly basis. It can be important to be aware when to say no to some proposal or activity - see this article Learn when—and how—to say no in your professional life which suggests “We strongly recommend getting into the habit of being deliberate about what invitations to say yes to, even before you get to the point of filling up your weekly calendar. You can do that by conducting an informal cost-benefit analysis.” This is especially true in our interconnected and always on working world where demands and requests come not just across negotiating tables but through Teams, e-mail and instant messages – and even by phone (remember phone calls?).
See this Warwick Business School Careers blog: The importance of saying no which advises “The ability to say no is a crucial career skill that could prevent burnout while protecting your wellbeing. By declining certain commitments, you preserve time and energy for high-priority work, establish professional respect, and contribute to the creation of healthy workplace dynamics.” There is even a book on this topic Defy: The Power of No in a World that Demands Yes summarised as follows. “Many of us comply much more than we realize. How many times have you wanted to object, disagree, or opt out of something but ended up swallowing your words, shaking your head, and just going along? Analyzing cases ranging from corporate corruption and sexual abuse to everyday acquiescence at work, the doctor's office, and in our personal lives, award-winning organizational psychologist Dr. Sunita Sah delves deep into why the pressure to comply is a corrosive and often invisible force in our society.”
The American comedian Bill Crawford observed “Sometimes knowing what to do is knowing when to stop”.
While the Australian cricketer Spencer Johnson suggested "… letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on."
And as the French fashion designer Hubert de Givenchy put it “You have to know when to stop – that’s wisdom.”
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