In life as a general rule I have learnt that the more you put in the more you get out of it. In developing relationships professionally or personally it seems to me that you have to give something of yourself to have others open up to you. Standing like a wallflower at the side of the disco or propping up the bar will never get you a dance.
It seems to me that paradoxically perhaps the same is true in a negotiation. I have seen procurement advisers whose sole aim in life has been to bully suppliers into submission. Conceding the mere introduction of a comma is anathema to them and the result is that the discussions are like a battlefield. It causes everybody to take a defensive position with no quarter conceded. No relationships are formed beyond common courtesy, and antagonism rules.
This may work if you are buying ball bearings, but has an entirely destructive effect in a more complex negotiation over say a service contract where some kind of meeting of minds and mutual understanding is essential not just to conclude the contract but deliver it as well (which is presumably what both parties want).
I suspect this attitude of "Give me what you want or get out of the room" is in part based on fear of embarking in a more complex and reasoned debate and entertain the consequences. A fear of wanting to dance. John F Kennedy in a slightly different context said "Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate."
In this situation giving more of yourself and establishing some some kind of rapport, and maybe yes maybe conceding some issues in order to gain others, creates a relationship of trust that extends far beyond the negotiating table. The accords reached and relationships created are far more likely to promote a successful delivery under the contract, with the ability to reconvene and resolve problems if necessary.
It seems to me that paradoxically perhaps the same is true in a negotiation. I have seen procurement advisers whose sole aim in life has been to bully suppliers into submission. Conceding the mere introduction of a comma is anathema to them and the result is that the discussions are like a battlefield. It causes everybody to take a defensive position with no quarter conceded. No relationships are formed beyond common courtesy, and antagonism rules.
This may work if you are buying ball bearings, but has an entirely destructive effect in a more complex negotiation over say a service contract where some kind of meeting of minds and mutual understanding is essential not just to conclude the contract but deliver it as well (which is presumably what both parties want).
I suspect this attitude of "Give me what you want or get out of the room" is in part based on fear of embarking in a more complex and reasoned debate and entertain the consequences. A fear of wanting to dance. John F Kennedy in a slightly different context said "Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate."
In this situation giving more of yourself and establishing some some kind of rapport, and maybe yes maybe conceding some issues in order to gain others, creates a relationship of trust that extends far beyond the negotiating table. The accords reached and relationships created are far more likely to promote a successful delivery under the contract, with the ability to reconvene and resolve problems if necessary.
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