Ever been in a meeting or on a conference call when somebody talks all the time? It seems on Skype calls to be recognised good manners not to interrupt and to let the speaker finish what they are saying.
However what if one of the participants will just not shut up for some reason which may be tactical, a reflection of their personality or just an inflated sense of self importance. Nobody else can get a word in edgeways and the meeting gets side tracked. In the UK Parliament it’s called a “filibuster” when prolonged speaking deliberately obstructs legislative progress.
In addition to overt “bullying” tactics there seem to be some scientific reason for talking all the time. See for example this article on the Science of Why we Talk Too Much which postulates that Our brains are wired to reward us for talking about ourselves. But droning on about yourself is a horrible way to make a good impression.
This behaviour also severely limits the effectiveness of any meeting which must in some way involve an exchange of views. Everybody else gets bored and start to look at their emails. As the lyrics of the Harry Nilsson song in the title of this post go on to say “I don’t hear a word they’re saying”. So how can you stop this unwanted behaviour without simply being incredibly rude and telling the offender to shut up?
I recall a negotiation of a pan European agreement where everybody wanted to and did talk at the same time. Eventually the chair made a rule that you had to put your hand up if you wanted to speak and he would permit you, and tell you when to shut up. Bit like being back at school.
Here is an article suggesting 5 Steps for Dealing with People Who Talk Too Much. Another approach is to IM the speaker and just ask them if they would mind letting you ask a relevant question – or ask another participant to interrupt.
Anyway talking a lot doesn’t achieve much unless your aim is to sabotage the meeting. The actor John Wayne, famous for being the taciturn hero in many Westerns, got it about right in this context when he said Talk low, talk slow and don’t talk too much!
However what if one of the participants will just not shut up for some reason which may be tactical, a reflection of their personality or just an inflated sense of self importance. Nobody else can get a word in edgeways and the meeting gets side tracked. In the UK Parliament it’s called a “filibuster” when prolonged speaking deliberately obstructs legislative progress.
In addition to overt “bullying” tactics there seem to be some scientific reason for talking all the time. See for example this article on the Science of Why we Talk Too Much which postulates that Our brains are wired to reward us for talking about ourselves. But droning on about yourself is a horrible way to make a good impression.
This behaviour also severely limits the effectiveness of any meeting which must in some way involve an exchange of views. Everybody else gets bored and start to look at their emails. As the lyrics of the Harry Nilsson song in the title of this post go on to say “I don’t hear a word they’re saying”. So how can you stop this unwanted behaviour without simply being incredibly rude and telling the offender to shut up?
I recall a negotiation of a pan European agreement where everybody wanted to and did talk at the same time. Eventually the chair made a rule that you had to put your hand up if you wanted to speak and he would permit you, and tell you when to shut up. Bit like being back at school.
Here is an article suggesting 5 Steps for Dealing with People Who Talk Too Much. Another approach is to IM the speaker and just ask them if they would mind letting you ask a relevant question – or ask another participant to interrupt.
Anyway talking a lot doesn’t achieve much unless your aim is to sabotage the meeting. The actor John Wayne, famous for being the taciturn hero in many Westerns, got it about right in this context when he said Talk low, talk slow and don’t talk too much!
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