The door in my favourite café is slightly hard to shut so it has three positions: open, nearly closed but still letting in a draught, and fully open. So, if I sit near the door in what has been chilly and wet April weather sipping my cappuccino I am (a) most happy if the door is fully closed; (b) mildly annoyed if the door is partially closed and (c) get up and close the door if it is left fully open. I accordingly rate the courtesy of customers entering and leaving by reference to their consideration in how they approach this simple test. Not surprisingly those who fully close the door get an A star whereas those who leave it completely open and expose customers to a current of cold damp air get the Eurovision Song Contest “null point” for their complete lack of consideration.
In a voice from the last century which still resonates in this, Dale Carnegie, who wrote the book How to Make Friends and Influence People first published in 1936 (summarised nicely in this article), advises If you can be kind and considerate for one day, then you can be for another. It won't cost you a penny in the world. Begin today. He develops this theme by saying “One of the surest ways of making a friend and influencing the opinion of another is to give consideration to his opinion, to let him sustain his feeling of importance.”
Courtesy and consideration for others is one of the essential characteristics required not just in our personal lives, but very much in our professional work. The Encyclopaedia Britannica defines courtesy as polite behaviour that shows respect for other people. The word courtesy apparently comes from Old French, describing the rules that nobles had to follow when they gathered together in court. This blog Create a Culture of Courtesy in Your Business advises In the best of times, etiquette can give you the edge over your competition. In difficult times, manners will set you apart. There are any number of companies that can offer the same services and products as you. The critical difference is ultimately how you make people feel when they do business with you. Manners are the missing link. Excellence in etiquette will send you over the top.
It also identifies the challenges of our online world, advising Make sure that whatever you send online is as impressive as your handshake, your voice mail greeting and your personal appearance. I consider we have to work much harder to be courteous in the online world. In an in person contract negotiation there is nearly always some preliminary contact where you greet colleagues and the other side with a handshake and get tea and coffee chatting together before commencing the formal meeting. This allows the formation and development of personal relationships which can be crucial when the going gets tough in the negotiation. There are also in the real world break outs for various reasons which provide an opportunity for one to one discussion outside of the main meeting.
The virtual world of Teams and Zoom meetings and instant messaging does not I suggest lend itself so readily to politeness and professional courtesy. Different rules apply when we are not face to face and we should seek I propose to find alternative ways of practising professional courtesy. This blog The 7 rules of virtual meeting etiquette every professional should know advises Leave the keyboard alone and Dress appropriately. I also like the 17 Rules of Virtual Meeting Etiquette All Professionals Must Follow which includes use attentive body language to show the speaker that you are listening and the obvious but often forgotten Introduce each member of the team as well as Plan breaks for lengthy meetings.
This Forbes blog Courtesy in the Zoom Age: How Civility Can Transform Your Virtual Meetings takes this further observing that Civility goes deeper [than good manners], linking behaviors integral to respect, honor, trust, empathy, and courtesy. It recommends
Courtesy and consideration can nevertheless be promoted in online meetings. This Harvard Business review article Remote Workers Need Small Talk, Too observes: Small talk can help people disengage from the “home” role and ease into a business mindset. That’s why it’s a good idea to build in time at the start of every meeting for members to greet one another, exchange pleasantries, and ask playful questions. This can also set a positive tone for a meeting.
The benefits of acting courteously have been recognised throughout the ages. The Chinese philosopher Confucius in the fifth century BC teaches “Consideration for others is the basis of a good life, a good society.”
While Aesop Greek the sixth century BC fabulist and storyteller said “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted”.
Thomas Fuller the seventeenth century scholar, preacher and author observes “All doors open to courtesy.”
The nineteenth century poet and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson says “As we are, so we do; and as we do, so is it done to us; we are the builders of our fortunes.”
And coming right up to date in the twenty first century:
In a voice from the last century which still resonates in this, Dale Carnegie, who wrote the book How to Make Friends and Influence People first published in 1936 (summarised nicely in this article), advises If you can be kind and considerate for one day, then you can be for another. It won't cost you a penny in the world. Begin today. He develops this theme by saying “One of the surest ways of making a friend and influencing the opinion of another is to give consideration to his opinion, to let him sustain his feeling of importance.”
Courtesy and consideration for others is one of the essential characteristics required not just in our personal lives, but very much in our professional work. The Encyclopaedia Britannica defines courtesy as polite behaviour that shows respect for other people. The word courtesy apparently comes from Old French, describing the rules that nobles had to follow when they gathered together in court. This blog Create a Culture of Courtesy in Your Business advises In the best of times, etiquette can give you the edge over your competition. In difficult times, manners will set you apart. There are any number of companies that can offer the same services and products as you. The critical difference is ultimately how you make people feel when they do business with you. Manners are the missing link. Excellence in etiquette will send you over the top.
It also identifies the challenges of our online world, advising Make sure that whatever you send online is as impressive as your handshake, your voice mail greeting and your personal appearance. I consider we have to work much harder to be courteous in the online world. In an in person contract negotiation there is nearly always some preliminary contact where you greet colleagues and the other side with a handshake and get tea and coffee chatting together before commencing the formal meeting. This allows the formation and development of personal relationships which can be crucial when the going gets tough in the negotiation. There are also in the real world break outs for various reasons which provide an opportunity for one to one discussion outside of the main meeting.
The virtual world of Teams and Zoom meetings and instant messaging does not I suggest lend itself so readily to politeness and professional courtesy. Different rules apply when we are not face to face and we should seek I propose to find alternative ways of practising professional courtesy. This blog The 7 rules of virtual meeting etiquette every professional should know advises Leave the keyboard alone and Dress appropriately. I also like the 17 Rules of Virtual Meeting Etiquette All Professionals Must Follow which includes use attentive body language to show the speaker that you are listening and the obvious but often forgotten Introduce each member of the team as well as Plan breaks for lengthy meetings.
This Forbes blog Courtesy in the Zoom Age: How Civility Can Transform Your Virtual Meetings takes this further observing that Civility goes deeper [than good manners], linking behaviors integral to respect, honor, trust, empathy, and courtesy. It recommends
- Make “eye contact”: Remember that when we’re looking at the video of others or ourselves on the screen, we appear to be looking off to the side.
- Be present: Avoid the temptation to check messages, respond to a text, or eat while others are speaking.
Courtesy and consideration can nevertheless be promoted in online meetings. This Harvard Business review article Remote Workers Need Small Talk, Too observes: Small talk can help people disengage from the “home” role and ease into a business mindset. That’s why it’s a good idea to build in time at the start of every meeting for members to greet one another, exchange pleasantries, and ask playful questions. This can also set a positive tone for a meeting.
The benefits of acting courteously have been recognised throughout the ages. The Chinese philosopher Confucius in the fifth century BC teaches “Consideration for others is the basis of a good life, a good society.”
While Aesop Greek the sixth century BC fabulist and storyteller said “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted”.
Thomas Fuller the seventeenth century scholar, preacher and author observes “All doors open to courtesy.”
The nineteenth century poet and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson says “As we are, so we do; and as we do, so is it done to us; we are the builders of our fortunes.”
And coming right up to date in the twenty first century:
- David Chiles author of The Principles of Netiquette advises Netiquette: Be nice to achieve status in internet circles.
- Columbus State University guidelines provide The golden rule of netiquette in an online class or environment is, do not do or say online what you would not do or say offline.
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