Have you ever said something on the spur of the moment, maybe a critical or unintentionally cruel comment? And then wished you hadn’t, but it’s too late. Or even complained about something with no particular end or purpose in mind but just to get it off your chest. It’s quite challenging but rewarding to hold back and not make the comment or criticism however much you may want to.
I have found “biting my tongue” surprisingly difficult, we seem to be programmed not to hold back, but that the results are often unexpectedly rewarding. A new way of looking at something may emerge that would have been masked by the reproachful comment or complaint, or perhaps the silence will allow the other person to say something constructive or even profound.
Here’s an article on 10 tips for knowing when to stay quiet and just listen including You are tempted to “fix” the person’s problem which is very true. And a Harvard Business Review article If You Want People to Listen, Stop Talking which suggests Silence is a greatly underestimated source of power. In silence, we can hear not only what is being said but also what is not being said. In silence, it can be easier to reach the truth.
There can of course be times when speaking up is the right thing to do – see this article Three Times You Have to Speak Up which however concludes that it is a matter for careful judgement There are times when what we say or don’t say impacts our organization’s ability — and even our own ability — to succeed. And it’s rarely as clear as someone handing you some stones to put in your mouth, or whispering that it’s time to take them out. Knowing when to speak is an art, and like any art, requires skill. But it’s a skill worth pursuing.
I also like this Stamford article on Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill which starts Known for their speaking abilities, Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill often knew when and why to be quiet. “Solomon says there is ‘a time to keep silence,” President-elect Lincoln told the Indiana Legislature in February 1861. “I am rather inclined to silence, and whether that be wise or not,” he told a Pittsburgh crowd a few days later. “It is at least more unusual nowadays to find a man who can hold his tongue than to find one who cannot.”
Abraham Lincoln also said “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.” while Plato observed Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
For a last word on the power of silence here is an apt biblical quote from Proverbs 21:23 “Whosoever keepeth his mouth and his tongue, keepeth his soul from trouble”.
I have found “biting my tongue” surprisingly difficult, we seem to be programmed not to hold back, but that the results are often unexpectedly rewarding. A new way of looking at something may emerge that would have been masked by the reproachful comment or complaint, or perhaps the silence will allow the other person to say something constructive or even profound.
Here’s an article on 10 tips for knowing when to stay quiet and just listen including You are tempted to “fix” the person’s problem which is very true. And a Harvard Business Review article If You Want People to Listen, Stop Talking which suggests Silence is a greatly underestimated source of power. In silence, we can hear not only what is being said but also what is not being said. In silence, it can be easier to reach the truth.
There can of course be times when speaking up is the right thing to do – see this article Three Times You Have to Speak Up which however concludes that it is a matter for careful judgement There are times when what we say or don’t say impacts our organization’s ability — and even our own ability — to succeed. And it’s rarely as clear as someone handing you some stones to put in your mouth, or whispering that it’s time to take them out. Knowing when to speak is an art, and like any art, requires skill. But it’s a skill worth pursuing.
I also like this Stamford article on Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill which starts Known for their speaking abilities, Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill often knew when and why to be quiet. “Solomon says there is ‘a time to keep silence,” President-elect Lincoln told the Indiana Legislature in February 1861. “I am rather inclined to silence, and whether that be wise or not,” he told a Pittsburgh crowd a few days later. “It is at least more unusual nowadays to find a man who can hold his tongue than to find one who cannot.”
Abraham Lincoln also said “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.” while Plato observed Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
For a last word on the power of silence here is an apt biblical quote from Proverbs 21:23 “Whosoever keepeth his mouth and his tongue, keepeth his soul from trouble”.
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